Thursday, May 9, 2013

Confession | Living for Today


A couple weeks ago I was feeling particularly down for a couple of days there. I distinctly remember getting on the bus one morning to go to work and I was so weighed down, surprisingly not weighed down by my early wake-up time, but by this feeling of restlessness. It was like this feeling had been building and building and then one morning it all caught up to me, the way it can catch up to you when you're currently saving for, working toward, and dreaming about the next phase of life.

Lately, Taras and I talk a lot about August and September. We foresee that time frame to be when, hopefully, we'll have a house of our very own... and when we'll (again, hopefully) be a little bit closer to growing our family. And these sorts of changes on the horizon are big and exciting, but it has become a little all-consuming. We're always checking out house listings, even though we're not ready to buy, and we're just generally always talking about the future. And while it's so important to talk, dream, and work toward the future, there can sometimes be this point where the future gets in the way of today. And, honestly, that had happened to me. The joy and excitement of what we hope to accomplish in the coming months were replaced with this frustration that the future isn't today.

We're in this sort of limbo right now. For a year we've been either living out of a car or living with family, and living with the limited number of possessions we were able to cram into the car. And the past year has been wonderful! So wonderful! But I'm itching for some things that are packed away, craving some space of our own, always thinking about what I want to do when we get a house, and I'm just generally ready to be settled into the next phase of our life. Basically, I'm being very restless and discouraged in the state of today.

So, anyway, that morning when I got on the bus feeling all moody, I was reading through some blogs and I came across this post. And, well, it really helped me turn things around. It's a long read, so if you choose not to read it over (but you should read it! it's really so good!), I will just say that, among other things, Natalie talks about happiness and finding your groove:  "...what really matters in life is not beyond my control at all. i am in control of my groove. i can find my place here in this place." And, goodness, aren't her words so true? These words are similar to those I've used to get myself out of funks in the past, and they were the exact words of encouragement I needed to read in order to put things back in perspective, and to start appreciating today for what it is and to quit wishing these wonderful days away in exchange for the days that lie ahead... I will have plenty of time to enjoy those days when they actually get here.

If you're feeling restless, unhappy, and out of your groove, maybe my confession and Natalie's words can help you turn things around. Here's to finding your groove and choosing happiness!

Also! As I was working on this post, Alison posted some similar sentiments. It seems like maybe restlessness is in the air.

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I realize that, no, these are not hard times. We are blessed and fortunate to be in the situation we're in - we're both happily re-employed after leaving our jobs to tour the US for those six months and we have such awesome parents to take us in while we're saving some money. I have family and friends going through way worse things than just this phase of restlessness I've encountered, and I figure it's worth mentioning that just so we all know that I haven't lost perspective of what hard times really are.

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